Spousal Communication “honey turkey or black ham”

My wife and I are at a local Wal Mart and we decided to buy some lunch meat from the deli.  I am tired of two things, the lunch meat being gone after a few days, which I blame on my wife because she like to get the deli shreds that looks like tobacco and you pinch off half of it to make a sandwich and two, a lunch meat that is not healthy.  While standing with my wife at the lunchmeat section, I tell her I want to stay away from the shredded lunch meat because it goes too fast, she says ok, I pick up the turkey slices and she says it will go bad because no one will eat it.  I said fine, let’s go to the deli and get some lunch meat so we can get this disagreement over with. We are at the deli and trying a few samples, and I notice that the lady is getting upset at me, so I tell her I want to try one last item and I will buy it which was the honey turkey… The whole time my wife is saying the black ham is good; the black ham is good, which I am thinking ok… I understand this, but … Well, at this point, I am on a mission, and trying to get what I came for, good slices and something my wife could agree on the taste with.  She already said the honey turkey tasted was good and I saw the lady getting upset so I was going for it…  I told the lady to get me some slices of the turkey, about a quarter pound, and my wife was saying, try the black ham while the lady was cutting the turkey, I said to continue cutting the turkey, then my wife said cut the turkey extra thin…ok..now I am not understanding why we came to the deli, the whole point was to me that the mission was to get a little thicker cuts so it will not be gone in one day so I said no, we want regular sized cuts… My wife screams at the top of her lungs, you never agree with me on anything and walks off.  Great, now I turn to the deli lady upset because my wife walks off and tell her to cut it thin like my wife wants it…

Here is the difference in the way men and women thing

Men’s Views: I was the one who wanted to get the lunch meat in the first place, it was my idea, and I was going for what I wanted to cut down on store visits for lunch meat. My wife kept throwing in her opinion which is not a problem, but she could always just get what she wanted.  My wife screamed at me in front of everyone “He never agrees with me”, I ended up making her happy with the thin slices, and finally, she was mad at me because I did not get the black ham that I figured she could get if she wanted it anyway, and I was mad at her.. So you can see how I am setting there thinking what is the point to having a women if you have to agree to her every word for the relationship to be perfect and cannot make your own decisions on what you want.


Women’s Views: He did not try the black ham, I wanted thin slices, and he said regular slices.  I finally got fed up, yelled at him and walked off.


Ok, to be fair, this is what she ended up telling me at the end, while driving home… My communication was horrible.  I did not relay to her, like you have to do with women I guess, a whole scenario on why I wanted to get what I wanted other than the conversation we had about how shredded ham goes quickly, and that it was okay for her to get what she wanted as I was looking for me.  I was not trying to blow her off on the black ham, I was trying to not aggravate the lady and my wife and I both agreed the honey turkey tasted good, so I did what I told the Wal Mart lady what I was going to do and said cut us some.  Finally, last but not least, I did not tell my wife that she could get what she wanted if she would wait till I got what I thought would last longer anyway.


I wrote this to open some eyes on the different thought patterns of men and women.  Now, let’s move on to what would have worked if I would have taken an extra 10 minutes to get it all straight for her.


Before deciding to go to the deli, I should have said what I said before, I wanted to get something other than shredded because it does not last that long.  While at the deli, I should have said when she said the black ham is good, I should have said, hold on wait on the honey turkey for a minute, my wife wants to try the black ham, and I taste it with her, agree that it is good and tell my wife to get some and slice it how you want it.  I am getting the honey turkey because we both like it and I want to cut it a little thicker so it will last longer with the family.


You see how easy that was? If I were more patient and not acting the typical male by hurrying up and thinking about what I wanted to get, and spent the extra 10 minutes of time it would have taken to explain myself in detail, and let her know that we did not have to just get the honey turkey, I could have avoided the whole situation.

Joe Lovrek

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